420 ftw
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
