your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
