How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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