Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
