my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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