do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
