The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
