shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
