she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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