we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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