piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He passed out mid-signature
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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