bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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