dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
