guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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