I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
