Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
