No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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