I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
