Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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