Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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