So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
