until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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