Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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