just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
