Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
