rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
