Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
