He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
