I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
