The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
