thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
