Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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