i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
