in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
