Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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