I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's shark week go big or go home
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
