So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
