new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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