Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
