i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
