Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
