I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
