Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
