I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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