She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
