so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
