I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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