I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
