If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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