Yo dont text me then not text me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm just crazy horny about you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
