Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
